There are numerous things that attract me to Unschooling or Natural Learning. One of those is that the learner is able to know themselves. This is a luxury I felt I was never allowed as a child, a teen, a young adult, and something I did not really feel free to learn until my mid thirties. I am delighted that I am able to discover myself, 35 is better than never,. Starting this late, it is a difficult process.In order to do so requires me to UNlearn a lot of things first.
I am endeavouring to minimise the need for my children to unlearn later in life. How much more efficient if they simply learn themselves in the first place. It will leave them with an abundance of energy for learning and exploring new things in their adult lives, and expanding their horizons from a solid foundation of self awareness and self understanding. Numerous educational and behavioural psychologists, as well as neuro-scientists and other related sciences have noted that children learn many things from their family and the environment in which they grow up.
I confess I find this terrifying. I want to raise my children to learn themselves, yet am struggling to actively demonstrate knowing my needs, wants, limitations and abilities, while simultaneously providing the services my children have identified and expressed a need for, and those that as the adult in the house are my responsibility. I reassure myself that the very fact that I am trying to do these things, and discussing them with the boys, while not ideal, is the best I am able to do, and that I should honour that. On good days, I can even accept that.
The latter half of term 3 I had a few medical appointments that required me to be sedated (by my choice) thus needed my husband to take time off work, and the boys to spend some time with friends, while my husband accompanied me to these appointments.. This had quite an impact on the boys, particularly T(10). When first discussing what was going to be happening, he looked horrified and asked if it meant I could die. NO!. I was quite clear that this was highly unlikely, and that all going well, things would at worst, stay the same, yet hopefully better. There did however need to be some changes for a period of time.
I needed to rest more, and the boys have always stated a desire for more opportunities to access the PC. Despite my initial (pre-children) days of "No child of mine is going to have screen exposure until they are at least 6 years old", both my boys have ample opportunity to engage in screen based technology. Most notable, at 2 1/2 my eldest was able to take photos on the digital camera, upload them onto the PC, and then print them out. At a similar age, the younger was starting to instruct daddy just where to place the Plants to repel the imminent Zombie attack. At age 4, the younger went through a phase of wanting to do nothing but play the Lego Kingdoms game on the Nintendo DS. That was a testing period for me. Would I be able to honour the principles of Natural Learning, and not restrict his access. Turns out the answer is "mostly yes" and he did reach a point when he had finished the game, and since, he has rarely touched the DS.
This was an important learning curve for me, in proving that what I had read, is how it happens, if you allow it to happen. When it comes to PC time however, there are other considerations that need to be taken into account... The fact that everyone in the house wants to use the PC, yet there are not enough PCs to go around. It is a limited and highly prized resource. Another factor is that when one is fully engaged in an activity, objective time awareness ceases to exist. It may feel like a few moments. Similarly, when one is waiting to access this potentially engaging experience, objective time ceases to exist. the same 'brieg moment' of the active engaged mind is a seeming eternity to the waiting mind. We found the most effective way of dealing with this objectively, and without the need for parents to be 100% vigilant at all times, was to install a programme that allows each person a prescribed period of access, and warns a few times prior to switching off at that time.
Taking into consideration that given opportunities to pursue their interests as much as they want, would enable them to become engaged and absorbed, while providing opportunities to learn their limits, and my need for more rest, we agreed that extending the boys PC time would be a sound strategic move. I worried that T(10) in particular would become overwhelmed, as we have noticed in the past that the more PC time he gets, the more his ability to cope with adversity and his feelings becomes compromised. I worried that as we are effectively still placing limits on access... deemed necessary due to the limited availability of a high demand resource, as well as the historic evidence of T's decreasing ability to cope would potentially create a situation of unmanageable adversity for the family.
We have reached that point.
Initially it seemed to be going well. T would at times remove himself from the PC and come and talk with me, or engage in another activity. He would comment that he noticed he was feeling a bit headachey, or bored. I was feeling good about how things were developing. Then the boys discovered a new element of Minecraft. From that point it was all on. we had a brief side trip into making paper craft models of minecraft components, however the creative possibilities with paper minecraft was significantly more restricted than in the PC Minecraft world.
Towards the end of last term, I had observed T's resilience crumbling. I have observed K's ability to empathise take a down turn. These are a troublesome combination. It is clear that neither lad is currently able to objectively identify the situation. A combination of being neurally overwhelmed and intense subjectivity. I had anticipated the term break, with the absence of weekly out-of-home commitments as an opportunity to unwind and recalibrate, thinking the out of home commitments were wearing them down. The opposite has happened.
After two weeks of term break, the boys both seem more out of sorts. The fact that daddy is very busy at work as they prepare for the official release, and his absence at conferences and overtime is certainly a contributing factor. It seems to me that the boys are spiralling out of control. I have a responsibility as their parent, and educator, to provide some means of change, to prevent further spiralling, and enable us all to get back in sync with ourselves.
One option before me, is to further remove limitations on their PC access. I claim to be an Unschooler, and I have been labelled by others as a "Radical Unschooler". My understanding is that by further removing those limits, I would be honouring the unschooling process, and actually allowing my children to discover their own limits, which I have thus far only paid lip service to.
Another option, and this is the one I am drawn to, is to either move the current limitations to a shorter period, or a different time frame. I feel that the boys have reached a point where they will not actually be able to self-regulate. I feel that they need an intervention from their parents, to get them back to a point where they are able t make beneficial decisions. Take the time to actively model healthy alternatives and practices. Once the boys have experienced this, and are demonstrably on a more even keel emotionally, and then explore options and opportunities for less restrictive PC access.
I can not however ignore the fact that that the first option seems more in tune with what I proclaim my philosophy and goals to be. The first option is the one that creates a fear response in me. The first option effectively eliminates all my 'control'. The very thing I least wish to impose, and most fear to lose.
Neither can I ignore that the boys' current state resembles that of a substance junkie, unable to make sensible, healthy decisions. The time when rehabilitation experts advocate Intervention.
I have discussed this with my husband. We agree something needs to change. He has taken the boys out to a playground for fresh air, and some time with daddy. When they return home, if everyone is in the right head space, we will have a family discussion, and see what happens from there.
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