Family, Death and Dying

The last few weeks have been *interesting* in the way of the Chinese curse "May you live in Interesting times".
The end of May was eagerly anticipated as my eldest would change from T(8) to T(9). He had stipulated that he wished to go out for dinner as his celebration, with a special guest. He had done the same the preceding year, and clearly loved it.
The day prior to T(8)'s birthday we received a call from my Mother-In-Law to say that her father, my husband's Grandfather, and my boys' Great Grandfather, had passed away that morning. This phone call had been anticipated for some 6 years, that he finally died peacefully, and while asleep was a great blessing.

The funeral was scheduled in Christchurch for the end of the week

I started to write this Blog entry shortly after our return from the funeral. While in the process, I received an e-mail containing the news of my mother's diagnosis of Pompe Disease. That pre-occupied my thoughts for some time. It is only after having posted a blog about that, earlier today, that I feel 'free' to complete this.
.K(6) had not been to a funeral before. T(9) and Carl had been to the funeral of (Great) Grandma 6 1/2 years previously, and I had been to 2 funeral previously, and those were both in 1989. Having been heavily and ungainly pregnant with K(6) when Great Grandma passed, I had not been to a family funeral, and was unsure of what to expect, I was well aware that every family has different customs and rituals, and I did not know how to answer some questions in the time leading up to the funeral.

K(6) wanted to know if we'd be able to see Great Grandad lying in the box. T(still8 but only just) replied that great grandma had a big glass window on her coffin (he was 2 1/2 at the time, so clearly this had made an impression). I rang my Mother in Law, and asked, and because K(6) and a couple of other family members wished to view Great Grandad, this was organised prior to the ceremony.


K(6) also wanted to take a photo of Great Grandad. I felt very uncomfortable with this, however I understood that he was interested, and that this was something he wanted. I did not however want to put my own thoughts and discomfort onto him, so I explained that I did not know how grandma, and the rest of the family would feel about this, and that he would need to ask. K(6) intensely dislikes asking people things, so I genuinely thought that would put an end to it. Not so. He went and asked.. Grandma said that would be fine. (!) K(6) took a couple of photos.

Baby Carl, his beloved Grandad, and big brother Rene

During this time, more family members arrived.

Great Grandad and Great Grandma had four children, and each of those four children (grandma and her siblings) married and had at least 3 children themselves, and almost all of those children (my husband, his siblings and his cousins) have married, and had on average 2 children themselves, and one of those has had 2 children, ,making Great Grandad, a Great Great Grandad... Then of course there were great granddad's nieces and nephews, great nieces and nephews...

K(6) was a little overwhelmed to learn that just about every person attending the funeral was a relative of his. When I told him, I could see him scanning the room, and his eyes getting slightly bigger as he assessed the number of people there. His Uncle Rene, Aunt Sandra, and Dad's Cousin Tim and his family were not there... Europe was a little too distant to travel from at such short notice.

T(9) spent the entire ceremony sitting next to his cousin A(10) and his dad. K(6) has trouble sitting still at the best of times, so I stayed with him for most of the ceremony in the creche that is adjoined to the church hall, with a large window to view into the main hall, and a sound system wired with a speaker in the room. As a result I got to see most of the ceremony, and hear most of it too. K(6) seemed absolutely absorbed in the toys that were there, however I kept up a commentary of who was doing what and who was coming to speak or sing. Every time something that K(6) considered interesting or important, he would come and stand at the window and look, then resume playing.

When Aunt Erana played the piano and sang the song she had written for her grandfather, K(6) stood and watched for all of it, and he heard the little catch in her throat as she sang the last couple of words. When she finished and got off the podium, he told me "I need to give Aunty Erana a hug" and off he ran to do so, and then came back to the room.He also went out to draw on Great Granddad's coffin, when everyone there was invited. All the great grandchildren that were present, several grandchildren and some other adults went up to write their messages of love to this beloved man who was for so long an integral part, the very core, of this family.

Grandad and Rene, and Grandma holding Baby Carl, 

 

 

outside their house of the time

During the service, I learnt some things about the family I married into. My favourite 'surprises' were the fact that Carl's middle name Steven came from his Grandfather's middle name Stevens, which in turn was his mother's maiden name. I also learnt that we had inadvertently done a similar thing with K(6)'s first middle name. K's second middle name is Rene, in honour of his Uncle (Carl's brother) and his Aunt (my sister Renee) regardless of gender, that was to be the middle name, just the spelling would have differed had he been a girl. Andreas is the Italian variant of Andrew... and Andrews was the maiden name of Great Grandma, the self same Great Grandma who passed away while I was heavily pregnant with K. So both our boys have two 'family' middle names. T having the Russian variant of Nicholas, which his paternal grandfather has in the dutch variant as a middle name, and Paul, which was my stepfather's middle name.

After the service their was a communal afternoon tea. An opportunity to mix and mingle, share memories, and catch up with various family members who we may not have seen for some time. I personally had been eagerly anticipating this. I have almost no contact with my family, on account of all the worthwhile ones being in Europe. This makes it a little difficult to pop in for a cuppa and a catch up. One of Carl's cousins and wife, also home school, and Unschool, and as they had very recently agreed to becoming the legal guardians of, and raising our boys should we have an unexpected and untimely demise, I was looking forward to seeing them, and ensuring that their boys and our had the opportunity to mingle. In addition, several of Carl's cousins had married and had children in the last 15 years since we had left Christchurch, and I was looking forward to meeting these additional additions to the extended family. Carl and T had been able to do so 6 years prior, to a certain extent, but K and I had not had that opportunity. There were so many people I wanted to talk to, however K was needing me for a fair amount of that time to be his parent, consequently I actually had little opportunity to mix and mingle. I certainly did not get to meet everyone I had wanted to.

One comment that was made several times, was the realisation that there would now be few opportunities for the extended family to meet all together like this, and how sad that is. I am contemplating putting some feelers out for a family reunion... maybe in three years time, when Rene and Sandra are due their "Christmas at Home" trip to New Zealand from Germany. Delightfully, I have learnt that I was not the only one to think about addressing this potential lack. My Father-in-Law rang and commented that he and his brother-in-law had noted how much all the cousins were enjoying interacting. So this Boxing day there is a plan to have a family picnic. Apparently this used to be part of the family culture, but had faded as the cousins became teens, and dispersed throughout the country, and then the world. I am looking forward to that! It would also be a good place and time to see if others are interested in 'saving the date' in three years for a full family reunion of Bill and Florence's off spring.

Florence Wright and Florence Wright

T at 10 1/2 months with his great Grand Parents

Skeletons, Black Sheep, and Trauma

Every family has it's share of dark secrets, trauma, and black sheep.

Sometimes those traumas and black sheep are highly subjective, dependant on the time and place in which they occur. Medical knowledge, cultural practices, societal expectations, and environment all play a tremendous role on what we as individuals perceive as being shameful or traumatic. Take for example a male growing up with the need to dress as a female. Traditional Samoan culture has embraced this phenomenon and has a place in their culture for these people. A male with the same need growing up in the Southern states of the USA I can not see as being quite so accepted. The repercussion of these differing attitudes to an integral part of the self are manifold.

Some skeletons are open secrets, widely known within the family's adult membership, and discussed, yet still causing some discomfort, regret, and sorrow, and not openly shared outside the family. Such as the atheist within a family that hold a deep faith, or the person who finds faith despite their atheist upbringing.

Trauma can be a deeply personal experience, or experienced as a family group. Trauma resulting from an individual experience or inflicted by an outside influence. Loosing a baby during gestation, is an intensely personal trauma, that in our culture has a tremendous impact on the expectant parents, but seems to have little impact on the wider family and certainly none to the wider community. Loosing a family member to an individual who chooses to fire indiscriminately into a crowd in a movie theatre, is a traumatic experience that every member of the family will feel, and shared by the wider local community, the nation, indeed by the world at large.

My family is no exception when it comes to Skeletons, Black Sheep and Trauma.

Growing up, I experienced my own share of trauma. On a regular and deeply personal basis.
Alcoholism
Drug Abuse
Emotional Neglect
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
I resolved to rise above this, and ensure that when the time came for me to have children, I would make every effort to ensure that these traumas were not perpetrated upon them. Thus far I have been able to uphold this. With every passing year, my boys grow stronger and more confident in and of themselves. With every passing year, I know I can relax a little more, confident that as solid a foundation as possible has been laid, which will in turn enable them to turn away from abusive behaviours.

These skeletons are social diseases. In a sense they are avoidable. With conscientious parenting, I am able to undo many of the negative affects of my childhood within myself.  Making the difficult, yet very necessary decision to cease all contact with my parents, is thwarting the build up of similar negative consequences for my children.

Some traumas are not so easy to evade. When my husband and I were discussing whether to have a family or not, an essential consideration for me, was acknowledging that two of my cousins had an undetermined neurological condition that resulted in pervasive developmental disorders. Initially it was determined that my cousins would likely not live more than 10 years. The younger of the two nearly doubled that, and the elder tripled it. I am grateful that when I visited the Netherlands in my early twenties, I was able to visit them both in their full-time residential care unit. Although undetermined, it was obviously a recessive genetic condition. There were no known genetic markers, no ability to pre-determine whether I too was a carrier, or if Carl would be, because the condition was undetermined. We acknowledged the odds were very slim, however something to be taken into account. We decided that the risks were minimal, and worthwhile. Should we have a baby that exhibited similar symptoms, we would deal with it as best we could. We may have had to move to the Netherlands, where the health care available exceeds that which is available here in New Zealand, however we would deal with it. We had numerous miscarriages. One of my coping messages to myself was that perhaps these babies I lost were afflicted, and my body rejected them as a preventative measure.

Our children are now 6 and 9 years of age. All signs indicate that they are free of this condition.

Some traumas and skeletons are so deeply buried, that no-one knows they are there. No-one suspects the existence. Then some random event brings it to the fore.

Approximately 8 years ago my mother fell off a ladder. Since that time she experienced chronic muscle aches. She began to walk in an odd manner, especially up inclines, or when carrying things. Getting in and out chairs became an intensely laborious process. For some time it was assumed that this was a result of some nerve damage or freak occurrence from the fall. However when it became clear that this was not improving, and in fact becoming more prominent, various tests were undertaken in an effort to determine what was causing this.

Multiple theories were explored and tested for. In mid June I learnt that a diagnosis was finally reached. Mum has late onset Pompe Disease. A rare, recessive genetic degenerative Neuro-Muscular condition. Our entire extended family needs to be tested. My maternal grandparents were unwitting carriers. Mum, and every one of her siblings have a 25% chance of getting this, a 25% chance of being completely free of it, and a 50% chance of being a carrier. Each of their children's probabilities will be determined by which category they fall under. Obviously, with Mum having it, my odds are a little more clear...

I made an appointment with my new GP. Not exactly the type of appointment one wants to make for a first visit with a new GP, but not making an appointment was not a consideration. I recently moved to a new district that falls under the Auckland District Health Board. ADHB having had a rather large number of patients that were not eligible getting public funded treatment, have asked me to prove that i am eligible. While I entirely respect that this is a necessary process, I would rather frankly not have to go through this right now. I just want to get an appointment at the genetics clinic, so I can be tested to see if I am a carrier. There is also a possibility that as this was silent for unknown generations within mum's family... that this is also the case in dad's family. Sure, the odds are pretty low, but not impossible. It is equally possible that if I am carrier, purely from mum, that this may be riding along on the back of Carl's genetics.... again, fairly unlikely, but not impossible.

This has been proven rather dramatically in the last week, by a second Pompe Disease diagnosis within the family.This time Infant onset Pompe Disease.

Just typing it has me in tears.

I've been crying off and on over the last two and half days, since learning this. Within the space of 2 months, two family members have been diagnosed with this previously unknown (to me at any rate) condition.

Over the last two and a half days I have been wishing that my children were not home schooled, simply because their constant presence has meant that I have not had the time and the privacy to be able to fully release my grief.
Grief for my mother.
Grief for my cousin.
Grief for my cousin's spouse.
Grief for my cousin's baby.
Grief for my cousins' siblings.
Grief for my Aunt and Uncle, the grandparents of the baby.
Grief for my Aunts and Uncle, the siblings of my mother.
Grief for all my Family.

I have always been better able to process my thoughts and feelings by talking them out with someone. With my boys ever present, there is no opportunity to discuss this with the one person I most wish to discuss this with, my husband. We have had a couple of opportunities to briefly chat on the subject, when the boys have been occupied with a movie. I think he knows that I am deeply affected by this. He has always had a more objective view on such things... I suppose most men do (?!?). This is the best avenue available to me at present to attempt to express some of the thoughts and feelings I am experiencing.

Thoughts, questions, feelings, ideas, and other things that are foremost on my mind, in no particular order:

??? Am I a carrier, and might I too have adult onset Pompe... it's only a low possibility, but not an impossibility

?!? Am I a carrier, and could Carl be one too.. again, a low possibility, but not an impossibility... and...

?!? What would that mean for the boys... particularly the one whose legs get so tired so quickly when walking... (which is certainly the main reason I am worrying about this as much as I am)

??? How will mum manage on her own, when she will need to be in a wheel chair and on a respirator / life support machine.

?!? What does this mean for my current no-contact relationship with my mother

!?!  I had always planned that when they were older and more sure of themselves, my boys would get to know their maternal Grandmother... Now there is a sudden undetermined time limit (which I realise there always is, it's just been dramatically highlighted by the current situation)... do I have the right to deny the boys the opportunity to know their maternal grandmother?... and...

?!? Am I strong enough in myself to be able to withstand the inevitable emotional and psychological stress in the event of re-establishing contact with my mother.


These thoughts enter my head at unexpected times. I worry, I grieve. All internally. I can not express these immensely scary thoughts and feelings to my boys. I have a responsibility as a parent to ensure my children are exposed to the full spectrum of life at developmentally appropriate times. At 6 and 9, and with so many unknowns, this is not the developmentally appropriate time to expose them to this information.

A little over a year ago, a friend who I have known for a very long time now, confessed to me that, now as an adult, she marvelled  at my ability as a teenager to keep my inner turmoil and trauma to myself, and not share it with her or her younger brother, both several years my junior. She commented that it gave her a valuable insight to the importance of protecting children from horrible things that were completely beyond their power to fully comprehend, or be able to do anything about. Essentially preserving their innocence until such a time as they had the emotional and cognitive abilities to be able to deal with such things. I value that she shared this with me so many years later. I never had the luxury of being protected from knowledge that I was developmentally immature for. Knowing why she sees it as important and valuable, empowers me to not share this with my boys prematurely.

First, I need to be tested. If I am a carrier... my children will also need to be tested.

That will be soon enough to expose them.


August 2nd 2012.
A few days after this post, some of the high emotion had drained, and my ability to think more logically started to re-surface. My understanding of genetics, and particularly recessive genes is at high school science level. I don't believe that changes the reality that as my mother has Adult onset Pompe disease, she has both recessive genes. Therefore she has ONLY pompe disease genes to pass on to her chldren. Therefore my sister and I MUST be carriers, and my children consequently have a 50% chance of being carriers themselves.

I still have not heard from the genetics clinic as to when I have an appointment, however The ADHB have informed me that my elligibility srtatus has been updated. Note they say updated, but not what status it has been updated to. It ought to be Status: Elligible...

Waiting PAtiently is a trait that needs development, I suppose I should be grateful that I am getting another opportunity to refine this?

Time... keeps on slipping... into the Future

I frequently joke about how parenting is a 25/8 occupation. Not everyone comprehends my meaning with that.

So lemme 'splain. (must be spoken in Mandy Patinkin's Spanish accent for full effect)

A day is 24 hours long. A week is 7 days long. Many things are described as being 24/7. As in requiring time and attention for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I say parenting is a 25/8 job, I mean there never appear to be enough hours in the day to do everything I would like, or even feel I need to get done, and likewise there are never enough days in the week for same.

This is pretty apparent when it comes to things like maintaining a blog. My last post, 6 weeks ago, outlined that having been occupied with sewing over the preceding weeks, I had not had time to blog. Since then, I have had my first born's 9th birthday, a family funeral, first born's first solo visit to his grandparents, with accompanying first solo flight as an unaccompanied Minor with Air New Zealand. I've had a weekend away for just me alone, where I slept all night, most of the day, and another complete night, with intervening soaks in a hot mineral pool, continued to facilitate and extend the boys learning, had two trips to MoTaT, and one to the Auckland Zoo, and worked on completing my HANDLE re-certification paperwork. And the icing on the cake has been learning that I have to get tested for Pompe Disease.

The last month and a half have certainly been full of living, and learning, and loving, and we've even found occasion to enjoy the occasional laugh.

Today I thought I would re-visit blogging, but as I'm still sorting out a lot of feelings regarding recent family events, I'm limiting to sharing a list of podcasts, blogs and articles that constitute some of my professional reading for my HANDLE re-certification.

While all of these links are of interest to me... not all of them fit well with the HANDLE paradigm. A few complement HANDLE, and some are there purely for my own interest / agenda, particularly regarding Attachment Theory / Parenting. The comments that I have included are purely my own, and bear no reflection on the thoughts of HANDLE or of the actual contents or meaning of the content of the links to which I am commenting on. They are really there for personal reference, and to provide those of you who may be interested into a little more insight to the inner workings of the sometimes dark and dank passages that make up the inner working of my mind.

I hope you find some things of interest or use to you... and if you are a facebook friend, or in my Google+ circles, you've probably seen many of these already...

 

http://www.ted.com/talks/heribert_watzke_the_brain_in_your_gut.html

Interesting thoughts and illumination on the inter-dependant relationship of the gut and the brain. Importance of cooking. Not sure I agree with the idea of further changing the foods through cooking to send stronger signals to the brain, when we can train the brain to listen to the messages already being sent... parents could encourage demand feeding and listening to their infants / young children when they do not want to eat, rather than forcing them, and consequently training them to ignore their gut's signals...

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/daniel_wolpert_the_real_reason_for_brains.html

Movement chauvinist. Brains purpose is to regulate movement... fits nicely with HANDLE theory that movement dictates brain connections, as according to this man, that is what the brain is for.

http://www.ted.com/talks/michael_merzenich_on_the_elastic_brain.html

second half interesting. Talking about how through specific trsaining one can overcome learning challenges (which HANDLE already knows of course, still nice to see others saying the same thing)

http://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_saks_seeing_mental_illness.html

Insight to how it is to have a mental illness, and how others' views of that illness can be very detrimental and even abusive and disrespectful (again HANDLE already knows this, nice to have it affirmed and articulated by someone who has lived it)

http://www.ted.com/talks/joshua_walters_on_being_just_crazy_enough.html

Thought provoking. Using “Crazy” for positive, and how ones attitude to “crazy” affects the “crazy”

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_dennett_on_our_consciousness.html

What is consciousness... in a sense this is similar to Isaac Newtons early work on the brain, where he was looking for proof of god / the spirit within the brain... now this gentleman appears to be looking for a definition or 'proof' of consciousness

http://www.ted.com/talks/jeff_hawkins_on_how_brain_science_will_change_computing.html

Why we need to build a framework for defining the brain, and some ideas on what that framework should constitute, according to Jeff Hawkins.

http://www.ted.com/talks/jeff_hawkins_on_how_brain_science_will_change_computing.html

Ken Robinson... I can not hear his talks enough times. I love that HANDLE is an 'agricultural model' and not a 'manufacturing model'. I am doing my best to provide an agricultural model of education for my boys too... and I walk ever so softly over their dreams (and my husbands too, which is why we are in Auckland so he can pursue his dream job)

http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

I especially love the story of the fidgeting girl, who the psychiatrist diagnosed as a dancer. Raises interesting ethical questions... do we have the right to facilitate change in the brains of those people we see? Are we depriving them of the possibility of their natural potential? Why must the individual with the behaviours / habits that we find uncomfortable change... perhaps the impetus should lie with the person who has the problem with the behaviour, to change their perception of that behaviour / habit?

http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_changing_education_paradigms.html

More Ken Robinson and education models and changing them effectively for a positive educational experience that will be of benefit for the learners, and thus of benefit to society.

http://www.ted.com/talks/gever_tulley_on_5_dangerous_things_for_kids.html

why we should let children engage in and experience danger :)

T(9) prefers the real life experience of this, in playing with fire, using his bow and arrows, eeling spear, fishing, taking things apart, and in play. K(6) prefers to engage in danger through fantasy, such fighting fantasy games, movies, weaponry (swords, guns, axes, shields armour), and play.

http://www.ted.com/talks/gever_tulley_on_5_dangerous_things_for_kids.html

way too many real brain images.... bleurch! However just listening was interesting. Essentially every ones brain structures appear to be very similar. Note, similar, is not same! Take this into account with what jeff hawkins was saying about the brain essentially using the brain to evaluate patterns and use this to predict, and this could well account for some very different results from essentially similar structures...

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/gero_miesenboeck.html

didn't understand all of this. However it was an interesting theory that in order to understand something, taking a smaller piece and re-creating it, can lead to greater overall understanding. I think there is a danger in this however, that you may become so fixated on the isolated focus that you forget to take it into context, which we see happening in modern medicine approach of the specialists...

http://www.ted.com/talks/sugata_mitra_shows_how_kids_teach_themselves.html

Fascinating example of children being able to learn effectively without adult input, interference, instruction... essentially their only impetus was curiosity

http://www.ted.com/talks/ami_klin_a_new_way_to_diagnose_autism.html

Interesting closing Q&A. Would seem to indicate an advocation for attachment parenting practises, which are endorsed by the likes of Dr Sears, Dr McKenna, Dr Ainsworth and many others. I firmly believe that my attachment parenting, and not leaving them on the ground, and carrying them with me everywhere, ensured that they had a strong social sense. Had I not, and left them there, ignoring their obvious cries of distress, they would have become a lot more detached from me and the social world around them, and consequently have stronger Autistic dispositions than they do. Not to mention the detrimental affects that leaving them to cry would have had on their overall neuro-development, as they would have been under intense stress.

http://www.creativitypost.com/pop-culture/10_myths_about_introverts

Interesting view of introvertism. Didn't know about the increased circulation to the brain... would explain why I find skull tapping so uncomfortable, and why not having a coffee in the morning (which has shown to restrict circulation to the brain) often leads to migraines for me, and that my continual migraine actually receded once I started to drink coffee in my 30s.

http://bigthink.com/against-the-new-taboo/the-dangers-of-being-smart?fb_ref=.T9luhCSfOww.like&fb_source=timeline

Ahh, this brings up lots of self-reflective misery... the joys of over-thinking ;)

http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/12/mother-child-are-linked-at-the-cellular-level/

Fascinating, and also goes some way to explaining why Carl seems comparatively unaffected by my numerous miscarriages...even years later I get very emotional and weepy at certain times of the year, particularly round the anniversary of my 16week pregnancy miscarriage.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

And poor Infant K would be inconsolable, and get even angrier if I reached out a hand to him, but not take him out, whenever he was stuck in the car seat, and we couldn't stop because we were on the motorway, or needed to be somewhere in time... Certainly explains some of his neuro-behaviours

http://kloppenmum.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/parents-what-if-im-right-what-does-that-mean-for-you/

Affirmation for my decisions... yay

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-galinsky/promoting-self-control-it_b_1291129.html

Self control (self-regulation) more important than academics in predicting future success.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/opinion/sunday/building-self-control-the-american-way.html

so naturally need some tips on how to go about promoting self control

http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/02/20/the-boy-with-no-toys/

To play one does not need toys, and play is the essential element for learning, growth and development

http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/01/02/school-add-isnt-homeschool-add/

How many more children would be free of all these 'distrubing behaviours” if they were free of the restrictive school environment? Are we really doing them a service by helping them to stop fidgeting or 'distracting' the class? Would it not be more beneficial to spend those energies changing the teacher(societal) practices / expectations, or even the education system in general??

http://www.parentingscience.com/friendship-in-children.html

Interesting read. Affirms my choice to attachment parent. Essentially supports mirror-neuron / learning through observation. Children are more likely to acquire skills and habits they witness and/experience regularly in their parents and adults around them.

http://www.parentingscience.com/teaching-empathy.html

Discussion on methods of teaching empathy, and the factors that may impact the efficacy of those techniques

http://mothering.com/education/boredom-the-cauldron-of-creativity

“I'm bored” an expression that renders fear in some parents... here's an excellent article / blog entry as to why this is a good thing, and why boredom should happen. Also enforces my own response to the cry... I offer a few ideas, and then leave the boy to it... regardless of whether he choose anything. Inevitably within 10 minutes, he's found something to occupy himself.

http://committedparent.wordpress.com/2010/05/23/the-unrecognized-power-of-a-mothers-voice/

excellent reminder … also brought tears to my eyes when I read the paragraph about the implications of an unkindly mother's voice... boy can I empathise with that.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/02/100222-sleep-naps-brain-memories/

Naps can facilitate learning and retention in most, and rests or quiet time is better for some. Effectively clearing the short-term memory, and transferring to the long term memory.

http://lessonslearntjournal.com/bounce-spin-and-flip-your-kids-upside-down/

I read to the end, thinking Yep. Yep. Yep... and then spotted the reference being “What's Going On in There” a recommended reading book for HANDLE, and one that is sitting on my shelf (half completed... my reading of it that is, not the writing of it) No wonder the blog sparked so many “Yeps”

http://www.parentatthehelm.com/10357/fun-theory/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ParentAtTheHelmBlog+%28PARENT+AT+THE+HELM+BLOG%29

Excellent point here about fun being subjective. If we are to engage clients, students, anyone, then we must be aware of people's individual motivators (fun)...

http://www.wired.com/geekmom/2012/06/reading-writing-children/#more-75904

Affirming what I am currently doing. Nothing ramps up the internal and external pressure more for any educator than a child who is not yet reading. Having a set of strategies in place that support a child's emerging skills and interests in reading and writing can only be good. Respecting an individuals own pace along the path is essential for stress free success (for the learner... adult just has to cope... after all they've got the theoretically engaged neo-cortex)

http://lauragraceweldon.com/2012/06/19/success-without-college-22-tools-to-make-it-work/

An answer against the traditional education model of school to college to job. This no longer works as it did 30 or 40 years ago, and to slavishly adhere to it because it used to work is ludicrous. Interesting ideas, many of great potential benefit to non-neuro-typical learners.

http://www.wired.com/geekmom/2012/06/chores-benefit-kids/#more-75343

Helping with meaningful tasks around the house can also be a way to promote a range of movements that benefit the development of neuro-connections, a few adjustments and you have a way of maximising the activity's efficacy across a wide range of development...

http://ruthcatchen.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/how-to-use-music-to-improve-math-skills/

Like the author, the strong links between music and math not being known seem odd to me. Interesting read and ideas. Clearly using some local jargon... I assume 'STEM' is used in the USA. Would even go so far as to assume it stands for Science Technology English Mathematics...

http://www.parentingscience.com/newborns-and-the-social-world.html

This supports the assertions made by Ami Klin in the TED Cast regarding the ability to identify Autism in infancy

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/02/100220-music-brains-language-stroke-dyslexia/

of course as HANDLErs already know there is great power in music for neuro-development, particularly in language, as music utilises and strengthens Inter hemispheric integration which also supports communication and expression.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/04/090423-night-owls-brains.html

here's an excellent argument for late starts at school or for us, homeschooling. Having an early bird and a night owl, I see what the article describes every day :)

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/03/0330_050330_sleepstudy.html

fortunately, my early bird is not THIS early. Interesting theories here, disappointed that there is no mention of the fact that for centuries, the natural sleep rhythm of people was to sleep four hours, wake for an hour or three engaged in reflective / contemplative activities and then sleep another four hours or so. This changed only with the discovery of and application of electrical lighting. It would be interesting to see what happens to these people's sleep patterns and rhythms if they were to be introduced to this traditional (and thus biological need) sleep rhythm.