Socialisation

I first heard of homeschooling, when I was sitting a 3rd year university paper "Teaching Children With Special Abilities" towards my B.Ed. The compulsory text was a collection of essays edited by Don McAlpine and Roger Moltzen, titled "Gifted and Talented: New Zealand Perspectives". The last essay was written by Jean Hendy-Harris, a mother of (at least) one gifted child, who homeschooled. It's over ten years since I read it, so I may not recall precisely the wording or pertinent details, however one sentiment blazoned itself upon my little neuro-networks. Jean Hendy-Harris wrote that she was stunned that EVERY time she informed someone that she homeschooled, the response of the person she was speaknig to was something to the effect of "How will your child learn to get on with others?" Her conclusion: it was almost as if everyone understood that school is not about being educated, that school is about learning social skills.

School is not about being educated. School is about learning Social Skills...

This concept is supported, in part at least, by the fact that a key compenent of the Ministry of Education's  Application for an Excemption from being Enrolled at a Registered School is a need for the parent to demonstrate that their child will have ample opportunities to socialise and interact with other children while being homeschooled. The implication is that children who are homeschooled are at risk of having fewer social skills, and being less able to interact with others. As a group, homeschooling parents are a diverse lot. Our reasons for choosing to homeschool are varied. Our approaches to education are mixed.

There is one thing homeschooling families can all agree on. The ludicrousy of the idea that school children are better able to socialise than homeschool children.

Yesterday, Wednesday the 28th of March, an occurrence prompted the subject matter for this blog post. Wednesdays, we join a number of other homeschooling families in the Waitakere area at West Wave Recreational Centre. While our children engage in an hour of P.E. with the intsructors, the adults interact and support each other in our homeschooling journeys. We engage in dialogue about a variety of subjects revolving not only around homeschooling, but also life in general, topics of interest, and occassionally some debate. Essentially we use this time as crucial socialisation... for the adults. Upon the completion of the hour, a small group of homeschooling families then go the the swimming pool within the complex. We get a reduced entry rate, and our children will swim, play and interact, while we sit poolside, indulging in a coffee from the cafe there, and continue our networking.

On this particualr occassion, we discussed another parent's concern that her children seemed to be missing out on interactions with the other homeschooled children. We observed that a posible contributing factor, was that whenever her children struggled to intergrate within a group, she would promptly move in to resolve the situation for her children. We compared this to our approach that advocated a stand back, and 'let them work it out for themselves' approach, trusting that our children would persist, and develop effective and constructive strategies for integrating into the group. When our children became frustrated, they would come to us, we console them, or provide them an emotional refuge to regroup, and then suggest an alternate strategy (if needed) for them to implement. 

Meanwhile, in the pool, 7 of our 8 children were engaged in an active game of "Cops and Robbers" where the cops chased and gathered the robbers into a 'gaol'. The robbers would then escape, and the cops would once again go out to catch them. The robbers and cops were revolving roles. Everyone got the chance to escape, and be caught  My eldest son T, who was one of the two youngest in the game at age 8, and the children ranged in age upto 13. There were 3 girls, and 4 boys, from 4 families. Not long into their game, another child, of similar age, approached and tried to become involved.Our children quickly welcomed him into their game. Of the original 7 children, not one has ever attended a state school. 2 had been homeschooled their entire lives, 4 had attended a Waldorf school, and T had attended a Montessori school. All the chldren had been homeschooled for a timer period sufficient to have been de-schooled. Their exposure to typical school yard social skills has been somewhat limited. It was fascinating to observe the ensuing interactions. We sat as a group watching, and comentating on the actioons of the new child in particular. The following were some of the comments we made.

Who is that child?

Is he one of ours?

I don't recognise him...

He's obviously a school kid... look at his body language, so aggressive.

He hasn't a clue how to interact socially.

He's being pretty rough

Oh, did you see that, our child did not appreciate that at all

See how our lot are ignoring his inappropriate behaviours

It's like he's inviting them to gang up and belittle one of the others

Oh My God, look at that, T(8) is clinging on to B(13) to prevent her from escaping from the Gaol, and he's make lewd comments... T is 8 for goodness sake.

Did you see that? they all just moved together in a way to isolate him from the group. Clearly they're not appreciating his comments.

Oh he's not happy, look at his face, he's quite perplexed.

Uh..oh! Did you see that, He's starting to hit our children. (meanwhile in the background there is a loud blast of the whistle from the lifeguard, who gestures wildly at the 'new' child to stop).

At this stage, we were getting close to the time that we needed to leave. I moved over to the paddling pool where K(6) was enjoying splash-free water time, to let him know it would soon be time to go. While there, a mother with a toddler, and a belly that looked an awful lot like an early pregnancy protrusion, introduced herself. She'd recently moved to Auckland from Nelson, and had missed the P.E. but had decided to come and swim. I nodded towards the pool, and asked "Oh. Is he your son?" she answered in the affirmative. I asked if they had been homeschooling while in Nelson. Again an affirmative, however she did say it was new. They'd only been homeschooling since septemeber 2011. Internally a did a little dance of glee. We were right.

A few minutes later, as I was in the changing room with my two boys, we talked about the pool. T(8) mentioned how much fun he had playing with the others. I remarked that I had noticed that they had a few challenges with the new boy who had just moved to Auckland from Nelson. T(8)'s response blew my mind and instilled me with a sense of pride.

"Yeah.He didn't always play very nice. He must be new to homeschooling I guess" He paused and asked "Why do kids who go to school not know how to play nice?". I replied that at state school the children have to do what the teachers tell them to do, so they don't always get the chance to learn to do what is right, rather than what another person tells them to do. He replied "I didn't have to learn that though". No, I answered, but you didn't go to a school where the teachers told you everything you had to do. You went to a school where you got to make some decisions for yourself, and work things out for yourself, with help from the teacher. Another pause and T(8) stated "Well I guess we'll have to help him. And he might have to see you too so you can help him with his brain"

Clearly, Homeschool kids don't have strong social skills.

Oh, and in case you missed that... that was irony.

To be clear... from the Collins Concise English Dictionary Second edition

Socialise
1. vb to behave in a friendly or sociable manner.
2. to prepare for life in society

Irony
1. the humourous or mildly sarcastic use of words to imply the opposite of what they normally mean
2. an instance of this, used to draw attention to some incongruity or irrationality
3. incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is, or a situation or result showing such incongruity