Intervention Time ?

There are numerous things that attract me to Unschooling or Natural Learning. One of those is that the learner is able to know themselves. This is a luxury I felt I was  never allowed as a child, a teen, a young adult, and something I did not really feel free to learn until my mid thirties.  I am delighted that I am able to discover myself, 35 is better than never,. Starting this late, it is a difficult process.In order to do so requires me to UNlearn a lot of things first.

I am endeavouring to minimise the need for my children to unlearn later in life. How much more efficient if they simply learn themselves in the first place. It will leave them with an abundance of energy for learning and exploring new things in their adult lives, and expanding their horizons from a solid foundation of self awareness and self understanding. Numerous educational and behavioural psychologists, as well as neuro-scientists and other related sciences have noted that children learn many things from their family and the environment in which they grow up.

I confess I find this terrifying. I want to raise my children to learn themselves, yet am struggling to actively demonstrate knowing my needs, wants, limitations and abilities, while simultaneously providing the services my children have identified and expressed a need for, and those that as the adult in the house are my responsibility. I reassure myself that the very fact that I am trying to do these things, and discussing them with the boys, while not ideal, is the best I am able to do, and that I should honour that. On good days, I can even accept that.

The latter half of term 3 I had a few medical appointments that required me to be sedated (by my choice) thus needed my husband to take time off work, and the boys to spend some time with friends, while my husband accompanied me to these appointments.. This had quite an impact on the boys, particularly T(10). When first discussing what was going to be happening, he looked horrified and asked if it meant I could die. NO!. I was quite clear that this was highly unlikely, and that all going well, things would at worst, stay the same, yet hopefully better. There did however need to be some changes for a period of time.

I needed to rest more, and the boys have always stated a desire for more opportunities to access the PC. Despite my initial (pre-children) days of "No child of mine is going to have screen exposure until they are at least 6 years old", both my boys have ample opportunity to engage in screen based technology. Most notable, at 2 1/2 my eldest was able to take photos on the digital camera, upload them onto the PC, and then print them out. At a similar age, the younger was starting to instruct daddy just where to place the Plants to repel the imminent Zombie attack. At age 4, the younger went through a phase of wanting to do nothing but play the Lego Kingdoms game on the Nintendo DS. That was a testing period for me. Would I be able to honour the principles of Natural Learning, and not restrict his access. Turns out the answer is "mostly yes" and he did reach a point when he had finished the game, and since, he has rarely touched the DS.

This was an important learning curve for me, in proving that what I had read, is how it happens, if you allow it to happen. When it comes to PC time however, there are other considerations that need to be taken into account... The fact that everyone in the house wants to use the PC, yet there are not enough PCs to go around. It is a limited and highly prized resource. Another factor is that when one is fully engaged in an activity, objective time awareness ceases to exist. It may feel like a few moments. Similarly, when one is waiting to access this potentially engaging experience, objective time ceases to exist. the same 'brieg moment' of the active engaged mind is a seeming eternity to the waiting mind. We found the most effective way of dealing with this objectively, and without the need for parents to be 100% vigilant at all times, was to install a programme that allows each person a prescribed period of access, and warns a few times prior to switching off at that time.

Taking into consideration that given opportunities to pursue their interests as much as they want, would enable them to become engaged and absorbed, while providing opportunities to learn their limits, and my need for more rest, we agreed that extending the boys PC time would be a sound strategic move. I worried that T(10) in particular would become overwhelmed, as we have noticed in the past that the more PC time he gets, the more his ability to cope with adversity and his feelings becomes compromised. I worried that as we are effectively still placing limits on access... deemed necessary due to the limited availability of a high demand resource, as well as the historic evidence of T's  decreasing ability to cope would potentially create a situation of unmanageable adversity for the family.

We have reached that point.

Initially it seemed to be going well. T would at times remove himself from the PC and come and talk with me, or engage in another activity. He would comment that he noticed he was feeling a bit headachey, or bored. I was feeling good about how things were developing. Then the boys discovered a new element of Minecraft. From that point it was all on. we had a brief side trip into making paper craft models of minecraft components, however the creative possibilities with paper minecraft was significantly more restricted than in the PC Minecraft world.

Towards the end of last term, I had observed T's resilience crumbling. I have observed K's ability to empathise take a down turn. These are a troublesome combination. It is clear that neither lad is currently able to objectively identify the situation. A combination of being neurally overwhelmed and intense subjectivity. I had anticipated the term break, with the absence of weekly out-of-home commitments as an opportunity to unwind and recalibrate, thinking the out of home commitments were wearing them down. The opposite has happened.

After two weeks of term break, the boys both seem more out of sorts. The fact that daddy is very busy at work as they prepare for the official release, and his absence at conferences and overtime is certainly a contributing factor. It seems to me that the boys are spiralling out of control. I have a responsibility as their parent, and educator, to provide some means of change, to prevent further spiralling, and enable us all to get back in sync with ourselves.

One option before me, is to further remove limitations on their PC access. I claim to be an Unschooler, and I have been labelled by others as a "Radical Unschooler". My understanding is that by further removing those limits, I would be honouring the unschooling process, and actually allowing my children to discover their own limits, which I have thus far only paid lip service to.

Another option, and this is the one I am drawn to, is to either move the current limitations to a shorter period, or a different time frame. I feel that the boys have reached a point where they will not actually be able to self-regulate. I feel that they need an intervention from their parents, to get them back to a point where they are able t make beneficial decisions. Take the time to actively model healthy alternatives and practices. Once the boys have experienced this, and are demonstrably on a more even keel emotionally, and then explore options and opportunities for less restrictive PC access.

I can not however ignore the fact that that the first option seems more in tune with what I proclaim my philosophy and goals to be. The first option is the one that creates a fear response in me. The first option effectively eliminates all my 'control'. The very thing I least wish to  impose, and most fear to lose.

Neither can I ignore that the boys' current state resembles that of a substance junkie, unable to make sensible, healthy decisions. The time when rehabilitation experts advocate Intervention.


I have discussed this with my husband. We agree something needs to change. He has taken the boys out to a playground for fresh air, and some time with daddy. When they return home, if everyone is in the right head space, we will have a family discussion, and see what happens from there.

Knock Knock; Who's There? Dr; Doctor who? Dr Doctor...

Some time ago, when first introduced to knock knock jokes, it was abundantly clear that some of the finer points of a good ( I do use the phrase very loosely ) knock knock joke were beyond the comprehension of either of our lads. I confess that at the time I did not recognise which skill had been missing. The last week or so, the boys re-discovered this genre of jokes. K(7) asked his dad to tell jokes, and with the help of the www, Carl obliged.

Knock Knock jokes have been around for a long time, and most adults will see the weak humour and smile indulgently at others' emerging attempts at sharing humour. When I hear my child(ren) erupting in belly shaking laughter and giggles the joke's value rises significantly in my estimation. The notable difference this re-discovery of Knock knock jokes is K(7)'s ability to understand the wordplay. His language comprehension has expanded considerably since the initial discovery of the jokes three years ago. This increased language knowledge is demonstrated by his response to the joke.

After hearing a few this time around, he clearly recognised the word play, as every now and then he would not laugh. In these instances, he would ask for the meaning of a word or phrase within the joke, and upon receiving the required information, he would either smile, or laugh, or ask for the joke to be repeated. Then he would laugh, the finer nuance comprehended.

My initial delight however is now waning. Every day, K(7) will repeat the jokes he favours most highly. Apparently my low key response was insufficient. I believe he thinks I do not understand the joke, and so he goes to some length to explain to me why the joke is funny. Initially this irked me. How to explain to him that I was not laughing because over my 41 years of life I have heard that particular joke so many times, that the novelty has worn off, and it just is not that funny? The simple answer, was also the obvious one. You do NOT do so.

While Knock Knock and Dr Doctor jokes ARE old hat to me, it is new and exciting for him. Just as when he was an infant and we shared the wonder at the first sight of bubbles, and birds, and wind on the face, the feel of sand, the sight of surf pounding on the sandy beach, and taste of new food elicited wonder and smiles in us both, so too should the equally exciting discovery of punnery and word play and social nuances that are inherent in these jokes. It was being present and being involved in, and sharing wondrous new discoveries with my children in their early childhood that attracted me to home schooling, and especially the 'Un-schooling' or 'Natural Learning' pedagogy. My boys' new experiences are more intangible and cerebral as they get older, they are however no less wondrous and exciting.

Unexpectedly, my not informing him that I do understand the joke and find it far from novel provides me with an excellent opportunity to gain a better understanding of the extent of his comprehension. Here is an example:

K(7) "Dr Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me
(as the dr) Next please"

he explains to me. 'It's funny because the dr is ignoring him too"

Dr Doctor I feel like an egg

hmm, let's see if we can crack this case

"It's funny because you crack an egg, and crack this case means finding an answer."

T(10) too has been demonstrating his understanding of the finer points of the jokes. He has always enjoyed creating amusement for, and laughter in, others. His social awareness, and challenges in verbal expression result in him frequently utilising physical humour, as this bypasses the need to speak. As he listens to K's chatter on the subject, I think he realises that the familiarity of the same format of these jokes make an enticing, and less challenging, introduction to verbal humour, demonstrated as he tries to create his own jokes.

During our last foray into the world of knock knock jokes, his attempts were nonsensical. The punch line would bear no relation to the start of the joke. This demonstrated more clearly than anything else, that many of the words, ideas, and nuances of the jokes were completely missed. This time around, he is slowly sculpting ideas together. He appears to have a few ideas in his head of words that work together, and then he slowly states the aspects. Listening to him develop from

Dr Doctor, I think I am an egg, crack uhm... Dr Doctor I think I am an egg, Lets crack this, uhmmm Dr Doctor I feel like an egg, hmm, let's see if we can crack this case.

The observant reader will note that this is the joke that K(7) then explained to me.



I anticipate my boys will persist with these jokes for a while. There will be frequent repetition, and explanations as they deem them necessary. As they learn and live, I shall continue to love, laugh and learn alongside them. I shall endeavour to enjoy their explorations, appreciate their efforts,and value that these are, for them, fresh new discoveries.

"I discovered it"

The largest challenge I personally face in our family's homeschooling journey, is trusting that my chosen pedagogical method of Unschooling actually works.

Interestingly, the single fact that unnerves me most, is also, essentially the single principle that attracted me to this pedagogy. People learn things most effectively by doing when following their interest / passion. Despite having read about this and the studies that have been done to support this, having personally had no hands on- experience in this during my 'formal' education years, I frequently question myself, and our practices.

There are moments when I am blown away by the things that my boys are discovering...

Wednesday April 17 2012, approximately two hours after waking, K(6) comes up to me as I am finishing my breakfast and states:

"Babsie, when you take a number and it's made of two numbers that are the same, it is Even and when it's made up of two number that are not the same not, then it's Odd. Like 8 is Even because it's has 4 and 4, but 9 isn't because it's got 4 and 5 so that's Odd"

0_0     ~_~   0_0

I vaguely recall affirming this by re-stating what he just said, mean while my brain is going... WTF??? how did he get that? where did he hear that? who told him that? My brain *needed* to know where he'd picked up this Little gem. So naturally I asked him something to the effect of, "Where did you get that from?" The look on his face... somewhat perplexed, as though this was a ridiculous question to ask and the ever so casual answer delivered in a tone of 'well d'uh'

"I discovered it"

So what types of things did he experience in order to make this discovery... to be honest, I couldn't tell you everything. This child likes to do things on his terms. In most cases, if you ask hims to do 'black' he will do 'white' or argue / debate you to 'gray'.

November 2011: Toys were clumped in clear groups across the lounge floor... these were "teams"

Sorting detail of one of the teams
  similar style of characters

sorting detail of another team - blue

sorting detail - ogre / monster...
note they all have green hands
or flesh (scales)

sorting detail of team - genre (trademark)

sorting details : colour, and aside from the casualties, note the orderly columns and rows.

He spends many hours engaged in things. He will sit quietly for a time, and then when the surrounding noise gets too much, he'll wail
"Be quiet, I can't hear myself"

I have seen him walking around head slightly bowed, and moving his fingers in various patterns, that I associate with counting.

March 2012 Cuisanairre rods (FTW)

A few weeks ago, after I used a calculator to work out some numerical problems, he watched avidly, and asked a few questions about how the calculator worked, and since that time, he has been punching in numerals and functions and looking at the results. He spends time arranging tokens, cards, and other pieces in various patterns and groups.

Symmetrical pattern along the vertical axis

I eagerly await what else he will report to have discovered...

and my faith in unschooling, has been bolstered a little more :)

Today: Boys are putting their knowledge of finance into hypothetical practice

The "R" of the "3R's"

I grew up and was educated within the New Zealand state school system. Then I trained to become a teacher within that system. A system that was built upon the foundation of teaching the “3R's”: Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. I'm not even going to get into the probable efficacy of an education system that fails to recognise the accurate spelling of Writing and Arithmetic.

I chose to homeschool, and particularly to unschool, also known as natural learning. Unschooling seemed a natural follow-on from the attachment parenting philosophy I applied in my children's early childhood. It's a relaxed implementation of self-directed learning advocated in several discipline papers in my B.Ed course of study. Unschooling / Natural learning also provides a platform to eliminate the negative consequences of being “taught” before an individual is ready.

I frequently face some interesting internal challenges in our homeschooling / unschooling journey in finding a comfortable fit for myself, my husband, and my individual learners (my boys). On the one hand, we have the processes through which I was taught by going through the state school system as a student, and as a teacher. On the other hand we have the pedagogical philosophy I developed through later professional development and reflective research.

Without a doubt, to date, the greatest challenge is that revolving around the issue of reading.

In addition to my internal conflict and warring pedagogies of 'personal experience' vs 'best practice as shown in the latest research', I have the challenge of over coming the experiences my eldest had at school and reading recovery. Experiences which have left him with the firm belief that he is unable to read.

So far my belief in the latest research, is supported by reports coming out of scandinavian countries, who have the highest literacy rates in the world per capita, and where formal instruction in reading is not started until a child is at least 7 years of age. I have further support in the New Zealand based research showing that children who had trouble speaking, or are late to talk, will also be later in reading acquisition. The NZCER publication (pictured below) about the reading currciculum in New Zealand advocate delayed intervention for these children, have won out. I have not yet capitulated to my internal voice that stems from my own educational experiences, and force either child to *learn to read* by forcing the boys to read books with simplistic words, and mind numbing story lines.

NZCER publication created as a guide for teachers, principals and Board of Trustees to formulate reading programmes, apparently ignored by the school T was attending.

One benefit of the sitting down and having a child *read to you* is that you have an immediate evaluation tool to assess progress. As neither of my children sit down and read aloud, there is no immediately obvious means of assessing their progress, I have to be alert to more subtle cues and behaviours.

One of the biggest indicators of a reading child, is purportedly an enjoyment of books. Carl, my husband, and I LOVE to read. Both my babies quickly learned that there was no way they would be getting their Mama Melk if Mama did not have a book in hand. Once they achieved some independant mobility,  yet were not yet verbal, they'd ask for milk by approaching me with my book in hand. This active modelling of reading has been shown in various studies to be the key indicator in the succees of literacy acquisition in children, and has led to a number of inititaive such as Allan Duff's "Books in Homes" to promote literacy in New Zealand. When T(8) was in school two years ago he was quickly deposited into reading recovery, despite my pointing out that he was late is talking, had been in speech therapy, and would likely not be ready for reading yet. T however stated a desire to go and I agreed (had I known then about the puppy that the reading recovery teacher had in the room with her, I may have recieved this statement with a little more reservation). Two days after he started, he stopped looking at books at home. He used to spend upto 2 hours per day sitting and looking through books. He no longer enjoyed books. actually that's a huge statement... it needs to be written like this:

He no longer enjoyed books.

My biggest indicator that we were on the right track with homeschooling, was that after about 6 months he started to sit and look through books. It was marvellous, 6 months was the expected time frame for the de-schooling process, and sure enough, after 6 months he resumed his former habit of sitting for upto 2 hours looking at books. I introduced him to Asterix. After all, I taught myself to read in Dutch by reading my father's dutch asterix comics, it seemed perfectly reasonable to expect a similar result for T.

T was interested in learning Bridge not long after, so I created work sheets with information, that he then had to complete the reflective questions. I did not help him at all with these sheets.

T worked independantly, the answers clearly demonstrate his comprehension of the written questions.

After he had completed the first three or four, I felt some constructive feedback was required, as I knew he held the belief that he can not read. I said, "Hey, look at you, you're reading those questions and answering them" He looked up, aghast, and threw his clipboard with attached papers away. He shouted out "No! I can't read!" He has not touched them since!!

This is the 1/2 completed sheet that was thrown away in rejection of my statement that he was reading

I learned my lesson. Watch for the signs that he is reading, and register them internally, share them in private with Carl, but do NOT under any circumstance mention them to T(8).  I am developing a (currently very) little collection of indicators in addition to those above. He still happily spends long periods looking at books, and trips to the library are a weekly event, where he selects a variety of books... yet I still fret.

Indicators Collected:

"Babsie, what does O-L-E spell?" after reading Asterix in Corsica

In a shop, pulling K(6) back from a door saying "No see it says 'Staff Only', we can't go in there K"

While at Crystal Monuntain, and having seen a sign on the gate with an information plaque about Llama, the boys were walking around the park, when K(6) spotted a Llama and exclaimed "Hey what's that?"and T(8) replied "oh, that must be those lama's" (the mispronunciation made me realise he had read the sign, and not that he had overheard from someone else).

Getting information from a book, and sharing it with younger brother... but NOT reading (yeah Right)